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Getting a head start on Spooky Season this month.
“Ghost Ship”
When I was 11, I had a babysitter who I would ask about all the R-rated movies I wasn’t allowed to watch. One night she tells me about “Ghost Ship” and how it starts with a cold open featuring a kill sequence where a boat wire easily slices through an entire ship deck’s worth of people.
I told her I didn’t believe her and said it wasn’t possible for a wire to do that to someone. She then accurately demonstrated her point using a piece of dental floss and a block of cheese. I have never forgotten that visual and will always associate that memory with this movie, which I never watched until a few weeks ago.
So as you can imagine, I was excited to see if the first 10 minutes lived up to the hype. It definitely delivered. What a setpiece. Early 2000s horror was wild.
The rest of the movie, about a ship salvage crew that comes across said ghost ship, never really lives up to the tone of gleeful abandon set by the first few minutes, but it was still a lot of schlocky fun. Eagerly waiting for the 2000s horror nostalgia boom that’s sure to hit in the next few years.
Available to stream on MAX or buy on physical media.
“The Last Voyage of the Demeter”
“The Last Voyage of the Demeter” promises Dracula on a boat, and it delivers Dracula on a boat. Based on one chapter of Bram Stoker’s novel, the film is basically “Alien” on a ship with a vampire. And sometimes, that’s all you need.
This movie is Peak August Cinema, released at the time of year when the summer blockbuster season is winding down and Oscar season has yet to start. It’s lean, mean and entertaining and features a great “Nosferatu”-looking Dracula, a surprisingly convincing British accent from Corey Hawkins and a plot that has echoes of “Salem’s Lot” and “Midnight Mass.” Check it out if you can.
Available to buy or rent on video on demand.
“Meg 2: The Trench”
Listen. This is not a good movie. But “favorite” does not always equal “good.”
“Meg 2: The Trench” is nowhere near as good as the first movie, which was still merely OK. The script never settles on a tone. The characters are forgettable and some only exist to help U.S.-China relations. The science and physics displayed are nowhere near plausible.
But when this movie hits the third act and stops trying to be a sea-floor horror movie and embraces its pulpy “What if we made ‘Jaws’ crossed with ‘Jurassic Park’ and the ‘Fast & Furious’ movies” sensibilities, that’s when it really shines. Jason Statham rides a jetski on top of a wave like he’s surfing. Cliff Curtis flies a helicopter while shooting at little baby megalodons.
And what does Statham say after cornering a bad guy on a dock and refusing to shoot him because he knows The Meg is coming to eat the bad guy?
“See ya later, chum.”
10/10, perfect trash, no notes.
Available to rent or buy on VOD.
“Talk to Me”
I liked “Talk To Me” quite a bit, but I felt like it was as frustrating as it was terrifying.
I kept waiting for the stuff about grief to snap into place, almost as if director brothers Michael and Danny Philipou knew they had to build a story around those themes but weren’t quite sure how to get there. It also feels like two characters are competing for the protagonist’s spot at some points until the second act.
But! The terrifying stuff works. This is a movie about what would happen if some teens got ahold of a device (in this case, a hand) that can contact the dead, and then they use that device as a party game. Pick your metaphor: peer pressure, drug abuse, trauma, grief, etc.
This burrowed its way under my skin and has yet to leave. It has the most dreadful tone of any horror film since “Hereditary,” building scares off of tension and atmosphere instead of jumps.
I also like that it leans into the urban legend aspect of the hand, which lends comparisons to “The Ring,” “Smile” and “It Follows.”
Overall it’s a taut, terrifying first feature, if a tad overhyped. Excited to see more from the Philipou brothers.
In theaters now.
Jake Harris 